MY MOM SET A TOWEL ON THE COUNTER AND IT JUST FUCKING CAUGHT ON FIRE
THERE WAS NOTHING NEAR IT IT JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED
Is your mother Spencer Shay
do celebrities ever get called for jury duty? imagine having shaquille o’neal declare you guilty
get slammed in two courts at once
Anonymous asked: Love your blog. I hope you have a great Valentine's Day!
Thanks, I was lucky enough to be with my girlfriend for most of the day, so I had a great day, I hope you did too
I’M WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE A PHOTOSET OF MEXICO’S TEAM IN THE SOCHI OLYMPICS, BECAUSE IT’S JUST ONE MAN AND HE’S WEARING THIS:
I LOVE MY COUNTRY.
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
So I was in my dorm room and some guys a couple rooms down are arguing, and their voices sound like Drake and Josh when they get mad at each other, so Drake goes “Wait, listen” and Josh says “I’M FUCKING LISTENING” in his “I AIN’T CALLING YOU A TRUTHER” voice.
This is after a couple weeks ago I heard some other guys arguing and then one suddenly yells “No I’M Dirty Dan!”
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